I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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