He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize