My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
