I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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