She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
