HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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