Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
