I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
