I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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