if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
