her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
