im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
