Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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