My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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