You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
