I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
