This is not my ceiling
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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