First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
