69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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