The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
