Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
