I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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