Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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