I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
