All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
