yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
