He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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