Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
