I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
