I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
