rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it glows. i had to have it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
