i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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