do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
