I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
