Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
