It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
