I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
