All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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