In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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