Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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