Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
