You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
