wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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