I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
