Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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