just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
