The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
