You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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