fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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