How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
