You're so nebulous sometimes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
