It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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