I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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