Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
