I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
