When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
