I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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