I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
