You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My dick has a subreddit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
