Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize