he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
