I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
