And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize