a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
