Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
