on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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