it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize