I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
