After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
