My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize